Weird weird things in my brain!

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I’m a wuss

So it’s about 2 degrees celcius outside…that’s…around 35 degrees Fahrenheit. I’m wearing four layers of heattech and underclothes warm clothes and I’m still shivering. The Japanese girls? Oh they have their jackets on, but a lot are wearing mini skirts. And shorts. This is not uncommon in Japan at all. It can be friggen snowing outside and bam. Legs out declaring their paleness like a white pride rally.

Do Japanese girls have special insulation in their legs that is invisible given how skinny they are? There thighs dont touch when their standing with their feet TOGETHER. That’s beyond skinny, that’s “a strong wind can carry me across town” skinny. And yet, skirts. Not that I’m complaining cause I’m a dude. A dude who likes checking out girls who wear skirts and shorts. But also apparently a dude who can’t handle the cold as well as said girls. Maybe theyre wearing so many layers up top that heat is actually transfered via special blood vessels fueled by hello kitty and excessive giggling. I have no idea. Someone who can speak English should wear a skirt and let me know if I’m just over exaggerating the cold. In the interest of sexual equality I’ll do it too, but only if you find me a skirt that fits yet still compliments my figure.

Does this make it sound like I spend a majorty of my time in Japan checking out just about every remotely attractive girl that walks by? That is not an inaccurate statement by any means. Oh what? It doesn’t? Crap. Well now you know what I’m doing whenever I’m out of the apartment. It’s ok though they can’t tell I’m one of the foreigners. Im like an Asian chameleon, able to blend in regardless of what country he’s in.

Jumping fences

You whats really difficult? Jumping a fence when you are piss ass drunk. Wow the girl I was with last night was a hundred yards ahead cause my drunk ass couldn’t manage to balance on a railing.

Rest of 04’

11-18-04

Three of us are trying to infiltrate an enemy base in a convertible.  We find a ramp at the side so we drive in and park, only to be surprised as party guests start driving in.  We figure we’ve been caught until we notice that all the guests are holding briefcases.  I throw one in the front of the car and tell my friends to go into the party and try to blend in.  For some reason i’m wearing a long sleeved shirt, penguin pj’s and a sweater tied around my waist.  We spot our target and take him hostage by holding a needle near his balls and we force him onto a surgery table (we’re all dressed as surgeons at this point).  

We’re looking for another room when we come upon a gym with a JV basketball game ending.  We slip in and suddenly i’ve become Frozone from the Incredibles, and i’m arguing over making a table out of ice and two pieces of tape.

Eventually we focus back on the target and as we’re working a jr. high choir from Utah appear and start to annoy us.  We’re still in the gym but somehow have ended up outside surrounded by mountains.  The kids run off into a dangerous area so i follow them.  The man we kidnapped offers to help us but he’s on anesthetics which cause him to have a permanent erection.  I have two guns on me and i instruct them to go only after having their digimon test the terrain first. 

11-28-04

I’m granted powers by an evil man and in exchange he implants a bell in my ankle in order to control me.  I try to fight him but every time i try he activates the bell, leaving me in pain and unable to move.  Somehow i manage to dig the bell out of my flesh, enabling me to charge him.  He turns into a giant snake/dog monster which heals itself every time i cut him with my sword.  Finally i am able to wound him after cutting his shoulder and having a comrade shoot the wound with a shotgun.  The monster reacts by killing my friend but i manage to finish it off with the shotgun after. 

12-07-04

We’re in a playground fighting an army consisting of little kids.  Our side is armed with water rifles which can dissolve the kids’ bodies, and nuclear missile sites shaped like playground domes.  It’s a timed battle where the enemy can only attack on certain intervals.  A friend tries to pull me into a missile launcher where its safer than fighting on the ground, but i refuse.  As we’re overtaken by the enemy i fight with my water rifle but our weapons have no effect.  In desperation i pistol whip a little girl but she just giggles and continues chasing me.  Eventually they catch up to me due to my slowness. 

10-26-04 and 11-09-04

10-26-04

A friend is running through a field trying to direct a football team in the bleachers.  They have to retake a photo since he’s standing in the way of the camera.  The second time he gets everyone to stand up, even the guys in wheelchairs.  Half the players break out in a cheer piece with the center piece being a midget in a white jersey doing flips, ending with a massive fat man landing on him in the end. 

Afterwords a man with a turtle on his shoulder shows up and tries to stop the team.  The turtle has weeds sticking out of its body and is resting on a rock which also has weeds growing out of it.  The coach appears and approaches the man, yelling “goodness, are you milking a cow??” but upon noticing that its a turtle, responds “oh…its not a cow”.  This prompts a woman to appear and converse with the coach about plants, while i dance in the gym with Indian Jones guarding the door.

11-09-04

We are taking a school trip and end up on a large platform suspended over water.  We’re talking about God and evolution.  When we leave i forget to put on my shoes and decide to flirt with the daughter of a mafia boss.  The mafia is on their way to an important meeting but is overrun by a woman’s cult. 

Later on as i’m leaving the harbor i take the wrong street again and i end up trapped in a casino game, much like the bonus levels in Sonic the Hedgehog.  This is the second time i’ve been here so i decide to stay despite the minimum bet being $925.  The rules change so you are required either to freeze objects or evolve into a tiger, but since i cant do either i continuously loose.  Finally, i realize that in order to evolve into a tiger i need to take a photo of three people i kidnap as Jim Carrey dressed in a leopard bikini.  

The three hostages attempt to escape so i fight them and a large brawl ensues with members of the WWE, but am forced to stop when i realize the hostages are all people from the bible.   

08/25/04 - i really like this one

My parents and i are taking a vacation next to a very deep lake.  The servant from the Count of Monte Cristo convinces Mr. Burns he’d be able to get transport us quicker and cure our acne.  When we arrive my mom (who’s white) gets hit on by a random man which leads to a large group of protesters marching through a marketplace.  The protesters consist of terrorists, gay couples and gay terrorists. 

One of the guys going through the toll gate is riding upon six camels, with two of them having only two legs and riding on skateboards.  As we head out i’m confronted by two men with whips and they start a fight with me, beating me until i activate my sharingan and am able to fight back.  A third man with silver hair and a sword appears, and he creates copies of himself and overwhelm me.  Eventually i am forced to retreat into the lake where i encounter Ra the sky dragon within it.  Using my eyes i copy his fire techniques and emerge from the lake to defeat the man with silver hair.

July 2004

07/15/04

We are waiting fro school buses after coming back from a factory.  The first one belongs to another school and the second one belongs to my high school dance team.  The third is ours.  Someone calls my cell phone but the thing keeps going into an irritating GPS setting so i stop using it.  Sideshow Bob appears and starts teaching us about diversity while Bart and Millhouse try to help a dog pronounce words.  Three people are making fun of the dog so he breaks a window and grabs all three of them. 

(the more this dream went on the more it was like i was flipping channels on TV)

In one scene a little girl is trying to prevent the Grinch from being arrested since she thinks he’s Santa Claus.   Then i’m worrying about my triceps.  It turns out that Ned Flanders lied to his son about what caused his corn dog to break, causing him to hate his brother.  In response his mother brings him a cross made of broken Popsicle sticks to calm him down.  All of this makes me cry since it’s hating on gays.  

Suddenly I’m Ashton Kutcher from Butterfly Effect, and i’m reading a newspaper article about me being a murderer.  I faint, and four loud bangs cause panic if the cafeteria, but it turns out to be two black guys making the sounds with their mouths.

7-21-04

We’re all climbing up a mountain with two paths.  One path leads to a weird woman who tells me to stun four squirrels or four rabbits, otherwise she’ll turn me into a bunny instead.  I’m unable to find any since it’s pouring rain so i run into a classroom and draw four horrible looking squirrels.  As we reach the top of the mountain i’m suspended over a ledge trying to fix a stove.  When i’m done the suspension cables lower me down the mountain but i’m annoyed since i didnt have a camera to record it.  

07-24-04

This dream starts out with me following Jesus throughout his life.  I’m with him while he travels and interacting with people before i’m suddenly sitting at a play watching a random man named Balamont.  He’s very ill and the only way he is able to act is if i raise my arms towards him. 

Randomly we’re trying to protect a castle against orcs and evil humans.  We are protecting the top of the castle while shielding ourselves from their arrows.  I run down, round the corner and warn everyone that our castle has been infiltrated.  Somehow i imagine that i have powers, granting me the ability to teleport and gain super speed and outwit the enemy, stealing a woman’s bow and killing her while i’m at it.

I run down the stairs and i gain the ability to jump from building to building once i’m outside.  It’s unbelievably depressing outside; everyone wants to leave or die and there’s depressing music playing everywhere. 

Favorite #1

I’ll allow special posts for dreams that really stood out.

05-25-04

We start out looking for something but we don’t know where it is.  Eventually we discover a secret passageway in a bathtub and take the slide down the drain pipe which has somehow become big enough for all of us to fit in.  At the bottom is a whole load of treasure and an important object which we steal. 

Later i am forced to look for the hidden area again, only this time i’m alone and racing against other people.  As i’m walking through the house with a gun a i realize its in the bathtub so i go straight there.  As i empty it out i pull out the drain and with each layer pulled off the opening becomes bigger and bigger until i can fit.  I offer my friends to come with me but only one agrees. 

Once we’re down where we discover a cave filled with small pools of magma.  People appear and start arguing about Yugio cards, resulting in one of the girls being thrown into a magma pool.  When she crawls out her body is upgraded.  Another girl humps in and her body starts to grow wings out of her back and legs.  We all jump in and our bodies change.  One guy turns into a cat prompting us to jump back in.  He gets tiger stripes and we’re satisfied and ready to fight the living zombies.

There are level one zombies which are in normal clothes and can be killed with normal guns.  Level two zombies are always dressed in black and can only be killed with guns grown out of your own arm. 

I find my mom talking to a friend who is in her trick.  I realize the friend is a zombie so i shoot out the tires.  She keeps following us and trying to talk to us. so i shoot her too.  Her name is Jill.  When we look down it turns out she had been trying to blow us up with a bomb strapped to a remote control car.

Intro

To be honest i dont like keeping blogs or journals.  I’m too damn lazy and i honestly dont see what would make my day interesting enough for people to read.  This is going to be a collection of my cracked out dreams that i’ve been having all my life but only started recording in 2003.  Keep in mind that these are dreams and if the grammar or wording don’t quite make sense its because its how i saw it.  Oh and no i dont do drugs. 

07-25-03

I’m on a beach that has been bombed to the point where the waters changed currents.  There are crabs with peoples faces everywhere and our job is to create diversions so our friends don’t get shot.

08-15-03

Randomly a group of turkeys appear in my backyard, so i decide to go and shoot them with my bb gun.  I’m back there firing away when a huge one starts to charge me.  I’m pretty much thinking “oh crap” so i run and close the screen door and glass door, which the turkey rips through with its beak.  The front part of the beak breaks off and becomes a cap.  My mom appears and opens the glass door and the turkey learns how to open the screen.  I manage to kick it in the stomach to knock it back, but then my mom tells me i need to catch one of them with my bare hands.

3-30-04

(This one was kind of emo.  I was in high school, so emo was normal)

I was in a weird Resident Evil like world, where two people had to survive off medical plans, and extra food was only provided on American holidays, but not for the French ones.  The two main scientists where a guy and a girl.  The girl was a doctor who filled a mans legs with pink stuff by inserting a large needle through the mans feet and pushing until it came out of his knees.  They were creating a prototype human who could absorb other people to gain their abilities.

Randomly i became Mario and kept jumping from springs trying to reach a high platform.  When i reached the top there was a celebration and i was rewarded with different colored doraemons, who i absorbed.  They turned into people who i also absorbed.  Suddenly they became my friends who could only be absorbed as water.  We didn’t have a choice since this was for the experiment so we crowded together and i absorbed them through the tears we cried.  When this was finished the scientists all turned to ash.

Then my mom screwed up my tempura by adding bean sprouts and tofu.

04-21-04

We were doing some sort of senior show and people kept taking pictures.  I was a main character along with another guy.  He was dressed formally, while i had a hip hop outfit on.  Randomly we end up in a huge auditorium filled with kids.  Mickey Mouse is yelling at them and a Nazi voice named “Pete” is brainwashing them.  My friend tells me their purpose isn’t to trick the children.

04-29-04

I was taking part in a Nazi experiment which involved washing away peoples memories.  We are driving around when the events in the book of Revelations begin.  All i remember is feeling fear since the world is falling apart. 

05-06-04

We’re in a house and my friend is having a fight with his girlfriend.  Suddenly she goes crazy and grabs a knife, prompting me to run upstairs to avoid her.  Once inside a room i grab the doorknob to prevent her from getting in.  Eventually she gives up and goes into another door where my friend is taking a shower.  She tires to get in but somehow we escape and find an elderly Taiwanese couple from a car commercial offering to give us a ride.  We end up on a desert road in a Chevy, but the girlfriend catches up and the car detaches from the wagon carrying my friend, and a voice yells in Japanese “sorry this car can only hit 80!”  The car then turns into a spiny fruit and a black family is asked if they enjoyed their stay.  I throw the spikes off and i walk into Tokyo. 

05-20-04

Kakashi and i are fighting against Itachi and Sasuke.  Both of us are getting beaten pretty badly when my dad locks me in a room with a hot air exhaust that won’t turn off.  I eventually kill Sasuke and take out his eyes.  Then i break down the door and tell at my dad.

After i’m transported to a beach and we’re looking at hermit crabs.  I find a really spiky one and i pick it up and attempt to take a picture of it.  It escapes into the jungle and i chase after it.  When i catch up it turns orange and starts attacking me from the ground.  A friend comes in and starts referring to the crab as “general” since it has military standing.  All the soldiers are saluting it.  We start driving back but then we crash our jeep and the communicator screen won’t work.